Wedding Vows- To Do or Not To Do?
Every year there are an estimated 2 million people saying Yes- and that’s just documented and in the United States. Most weddings have vows, and if you’ve been on the internet in the past decade, you know that vows are either so terrible you wish it was fake, or so beautiful you’re crying into your phone screen at 2AM. So what exactly is it? What makes wedding vows good, great, or downright terrible?
FOR SUMMARIZED LIST, SCROLL TO BOTTOM.
Some people absolutely love the idea of marriage; finding one partner and promising to love and stay forever with them- and some people would rather take their eyes out with spoons than imagine a legally binding contract to someone you think you “love”. I’m hoping most of you have seen the online video of a man reciting his very sexually motivated vows. Well, half of us- I say half to be nice, but really I’m hoping most of us- thought that was inappropriate to some degree, but some still called it funny and charming. I’ve seen another of a woman reciting her vows and there was nothing that stood-out, but viewers were still at war in the comments; it was either too simple and felt fake, or beautifully candid and complex. Just comparing two examples, it seems there may be no commonality, are there characteristics specifically associated with good or bad? Are good and bad vows even real or are we just being mean?
Back to the video of the man with the over the top sexual vows- that one was a shocker for me. After watching, I naturally maneuvered to the comments section to see if everyone thought the same as me or if I was losing it… Most people felt opposed for one reason or another, but there were still people who had felt moved in some way? Another shock for me. Perhaps it really is down to personal opinions and views of what love/marriage/etc. should look like. While this is part of it, I think there are qualities that can make people say yes this is good, or please stop.
This topic came to me when I was writing my vows last night, so I have spent some time looking for inspo. When looking online for some inspiration that felt my style, I didn’t really find any, there were some good ones, but they just “weren’t my vibe.” What did they all have in common? I found that it came down to one main thing; uniqueness to the couple. If there were inside jokes, references, anything personal to the couple, it automatically was a good one. I was trying the same thing in my vows, I wanted it to be special to us, not just some google’d mush. You could get up there and say “meow meow meow” and the moment your partner smilies, or replies with “woof woof”- even though this is still extremely weird- people would have that sense of “aw.” Uniqueness and personality were HUGE bonuses for vows. Some notable mentions are humor (even if it only makes one person in the ceremony chuckle), displays of emotion (crying, voice shaking? +10 points), and effort (although varies person to person, most people enjoy a noticeable effort.)
Now let’s get to the bad stuff- what makes someone immediately go “ew” or “get the ick?” Obviously we can start by simply naming the opposites of the pro’s: generic, boring, emotion-less, and lazy. Duh! No one would want wedding vows like that! But none of these actually were the deal breakers- you know what is, poor language. This means anything from cursing to just being gross (one person vowed to forever be clogging their toilet), and using lingo/slang. Apparently the internet is down with anything if it’s unique to y’all- unless you have a potty mouth. This seemed to be an automatic ew just because it was seen as disrespectful to everyone in attendance. My three runner ups- mentioning others (Megan Fox, your ex, Thor…), backhanded compliments (despite being crazy, insecure, slow, a handful, etc.. I still love you), and the laziness from above (not writing or writing very very little).
Hopefully this helps you in your vow writing journey, I sure would have appreciated something like this when I felt there were certain things I needed to say and in a certain way, or they weren’t enough, or too much. Do not think that!! This day is for you and your person. Just be there, and be uniquely you. The only person who you should care loves your vows is the same person beside you promising the rest of their life, so trust me when I say I’m sure they will love it. Just maybe make an effort and try to keep the F-bombs out of the I love you’s!
It looks like we got it all figured out, let’s break it down now.
Be sure to also check out the tips below to help you along the way!
Wedding Vow Do’s & Wedding Vow Do Not’s
Do!
Keep the focus on you, your partner and your relationship (inside jokes, references, personality, history) - uniqueness
Keep the vibe happy/positive! (tell jokes, be casual, lighten the mood) - humor
Display your love (hand touches, arm rubs, eye contact, air kisses, etc.) - displays of affection
Try! (just being yourself with the one you love is enough, just sprinkle some of that on paper) - effort
Do Not!!
Use inappropriate language (cursing, slang, gross topics, etc.) - poor language
Mention/compare others (Megan Fox, exes, Thor, your hallpass, etc.) - mention others
Point out insecurities/worries (even though you’re crazy, a handful, not my normal type, etc.) - backhanded compliments
Be lazy! (not write in advance, not write at all, only write ones you found online, etc.) - no effort
After looking through it all, it seems writing your wedding vows won’t be as difficult as you think.
Remember these tips!
The day is for you, not others- do what you want
Say what you want, not what you think you should
Break it up- start small and start early
Have fun, be happy, and love, love, love!
Talk soon,
Ash
x
